Their Convenience Before Mine

There will generally be one day out of the week when I will do my laundry. Normally, that day would be Thursday. However, my stepdad has that day off, and there's no telling if he will want to do some then or not. He's also off on Tuesday (another day that I have off from my volunteer work), and that may be the day that he will want to do laundry. However, his schedule has him at work from 12 to 9. So, I'll just do my laundry tomorrow when I get home.

Out of principle, my laundry is one of those things I try to reserve for when I have the house to myself. For all I know, other people in the house may want to do laundry as well, may want a shower at some point, or may want to do something else with which my doing laundry might conflict. I've had that happen one time. It was on a Saturday. Because of the problems we were having with our washer at the time, I could only do the laundry in small loads. I rarely, if ever had the house to myself long enough to do laundry at the time. The Saturday that I had done it turned out to create an inconvenience to my mom. That night, I was told in no certain terms that I needed to check signals with her from then on out. There were times when I had to let my laundry pile up on account of no convenient time for me to do laundry without having to seek permission to do so.

I'm more or less the same way with showers. I restrict mine to a time that won't create conflict for anyone else. There were times when I would take my shower at a time that was later than was appropriate and had been reprimanded for that. These days, if it's after a certain time, and I haven't had a shower because of the dishwasher running, I have gotten distracted with something, or for some other reason, I simply take a pass on the shower. If I'm lucky, I might take one in the day, but for the most part, my showers are taken at night. (If I do a daytime shower, it would have to be when I have the day off and nobody else is home.) If it means going multiple days without a shower, so be it. I also remember one time when I was living with my dad when I was in the shower, but because it turned out that he needed to use the bathroom, I had to hurry up and even cut some corners with said shower. (And as I was often homebound due to a combination of needing to be more or less available to him and not to mention the "schedules" of busywork that he and I were both doing at the time, I was lucky if I showered more than once or twice a week.)

In closing, I feel that what's convenient for me conflicts with what's convenient for someone else, their convenience should take precedence.

Keepin' It Quiet, Or Trying To Anyway

Today was  Black Friday, so my stepdad was at his job at Home Depot, and I had my volunteer work at a local thrift store. The latter opened two hours than it normally does. My mom, on the other hand, had the day off, so she had license to sleep in.

Given this, I tried to be as quiet as I could this morning. The dishwasher was waiting to be unloaded from last night, but I decided I'd wait until I got home if it wasn't already taken care of by then. (I still can't do it now because my stepdad's sleeping.) As of earlier this fall, I've taken to going about my morning business in slippers while otherwise dressed for the day and putting on my shoes when it was time to go and wearing them from my bedroom out. However, with my mom sleeping and our house having almost no carpeting to muffle the sound of my walking, I decided to carry my shoes to with me to the front door and put them on there. (And as we generally store footwear in the bedroom, I had to take my slippers off in my bedroom and walk to the door in my socks.)  If there was a way to make my door quieter, I would. (The thing squeaked on me. Grrr!)

As long as someone is asleep or trying to sleep, the less noise that those awake make, the better.

A Couple Of Announcements

In the last week or so, my sister asked me if I would babysit her kid both tomorrow and Saturday night. As I had no known plans for that time, I accepted. Normally, I'd be doing volunteer work on Fridays. However, my sister plans on coming to get me late in the afternoon if not sooner. In order to ensure that I will be ready when she arrives, I am taking tomorrow off to pack as well as be present at home whenever she does arrive and is ready to go. (I've already cleared it with the manager to take tomorrow off.) The underlying principle here is to be prepared to work around another person's schedule whenever necessary.

On an unrelated note, as of tomorrow, I will be posting a series of posts called Miss Scissors: Reading is the Key on my reading blog, RAB-PIA. I will be sure to inform you as to when I have posted updates to said series. Hopefully after I finish said series, I will be in a better position to publish more posts pertaining more to the nature of this blog.

Giving Up Something I Don't Need As Much As Someone Else

The thrift store that I volunteer at has been running low on hangers for shirts, dresses, etc. The last day that I had worked there was Wednesday, and I ran out of available hangers off and on and therefore had things I couldn't hang up.

Today, I'm giving up some of my hangers that fit the kind that are normally used at said store. (They normally used colorful plastic hangers or the kind that turn at the head.) I have more hangers myself than I can fit in my closet, which is at least part of why sometimes a blouse will share a hanger with a skirt or pants. When/if more of my "closet clothes" wear out, and provided I don't have more coming into my wardrobe, I'll have more hangers freed up that I can donate. If it means most of my own clothing is put on wire hangers or another kind not used at that store, so be it. For my own personal purposes, a hanger is a hanger.

What about you? Do you possess something that you'd be willing to give up if there is someone who needs it more than you do? If so, can you, for your own purposes, substitute in something else for the item that you don't especially need but someone else does?

Got My Stuff Done; I Wonder If I Could Help Someone Else

I play this game on Facebook called Cafe World, where one can run their own virtual cafe, cook and serve certain dishes, and visit the cafes of their "neighbors".  The more "cafe points" you get, the more you can level up. When you level up, you have more dishes, another stove, and/or another counter available to you.

One of their latest features is catering, where you have a "catering" order where you serve certain dishes a certain number of times. If you have enough "cafe cash" though, you can get around some of this. Depending on how soon you get the order done, you can get a three-star rating (the best), a two-star, or a one star. The three-star and two-star ratings qualify you for the next order, but the one-star one does not. (That's okay because you can always try the order again.)  You can also enlist the aid of your "neighbors" who can cook some of the dishes you need as well, and said dishes will count towards your order and theirs (if they have the same order).

One of the most recent orders I had was for the anniversary "party" for Cafe World. After I finished that, I re-activated an order for a certain number of serving plates, pots and pans, and steam trays. This one I either have to "buy" said items or ask my "neighbors" to send some. The last time I did it, I got a one-star rating. Unless I get at least a two-star one, I can't do any more orders. Since I don't have enough "cafe cash" and have to wait for people to send me the things that I need, I decided that in the mean time, I'd help some of my neighbors with their orders.

One of the catering orders was a dinner party order that someone was catering. When I was done catering the anniversary order, I "cooked" and "served" what was left of some of the angel fruit cake and jumbo shrimp cocktail that the person had left to get done. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to help them in time for them to get a high enough rating for them to qualify for the next order.

Another catering order was that of my sister's, which was for a birthday party. The dishes that had to be cooked and served were bacon cheeseburgers, triple berry cheesecake, and clubhouse sandwiches, I was able to help with the cheesecake, the sandwiches, and most of the cheeseburgers. The assistance I was able to give was enough to get the order done this afternoon, give her a two-star rating and thus qualify her for the next order (if she chooses to accept it).  I don't know if the order would've gotten done if I hadn't stepped in.

Finally, an order that I'm helping with now is that of someone catering a BBQ for which some BBQ chicken, chocolate cream pie, and voodoo chicken salad served a certain number of times.  I have some BBQ chicken cooking that should be ready by tonight after which I'll cook either the chicken salad or the pie. (There are three rounds of it to go on the latter.) Hopefully, I will be able to help the person in time for them to move on to the next order.

Here's my point with all of this: if you've finished a project of yours (in a game or in real life) or you've come as far as you could with your own project, see if you can help someone else with theirs. After all, it could be your assistance that helps the person get done what needs to get done.

Be Polite With Your Eyes

This morning, I was on my way somewhere and happened to pass a group of people. I glanced in their direction for no particular reason. I don't know if I looked too long or what, but one of the people asked "Do you need something or are you looking for something?" I said no, and she said, "Keep walking, b*tch. [editing mine]" I did and apologized.

This is not the only time that my eyes have "misbehaved" so to speak. There were times when I looked in the general direction of others without cause and their tone of voice and/or the face they'd give me would indicate that they were bothered by this. (I've done that a couple of times to my sister, and she is one of the people in my life to whom I have a moral responsibility to never displease.)  When I realized that the person was bothered by this, I'd look away and feel guilty. I've also stared at a dog once and was reprimanded for it. (Staring is a no-no by both dog standards AND human standards.)

For the Accommodite, looking in the direction of others without cause, especially if it offends the other party  is bad behavior and should be avoided. Rather, unless one is in a conversation with another or is trying to get/stay out of another person's way, one should avert their eyes as to make it clear that one hasn't a question or anything else calling one's eyes in the direction of another.

Learn from my mistake, and be polite with your eyes.

I've Been A Naughty Daughther To My Mom By Not Being Accessible When She Called

My mom and stepdad are currently out of town on a road trip. They left Thursday evening, and they plan on returning home on Tuesday night.

My mom has tried to call me twice since she left: once on Thursday night and another time today. The former I can justify by saying that I was out somewhere and needed to have my phone off. Concerning the latter, however, I had my phone in my purse rather than my pocket and must not have heard it. She has left a voicemail both times. She managed to catch me on Facebook (via the chat feature). I told her I was okay and that I was sorry for missing her call.

Sometime after that, I checked my phone. It turns out I had a "missed call" from my sister. It turns out that my mom had called her to get her to call me.

I should've had my phone in my pocket when Mom called. Then, I could've answered to assure her that I was okay and then she wouldn't have had to have my sister involved. I have failed her in this and in this way have been a naughty daughter to her. (BAD Moderate Mouse.) You'd think being 25 year-old professing to Christian standards that I'd have my act together as a daughter. Sadly, I don't.

I feel terrible for failing my mother. Last time I checked, she and my stepdad were going out to dinner. I don't know if I'd catch her at a good time now. However, tomorrow afternoon, I'm going to call her and apologize for missing her calls and putting her in the position to have my sister involved.

The behavior I engaged in is not proper for the Accommodite. If a cell phone is in the equation, the proper thing to do is to have it close to oneself, and barring situations where having it on is out of the question (such as church or seeing a show), it should be on and answered just as soon as possible and all calls returned as soon as possible, and NEVER should a third party have to intervene. The Accommodite who fails in this area should apologize to the person trying to contact him/her for the disservice that had been done. After all, our actions affect others, and negative effects are to be avoided by the Accommodite.

I'm So Sorry I Haven't Been Updating Lately

I don't know why I've been slacking on this...again. I realized that the last post on this blog was in July. Not that I know who, if anyone, has been reading this lately. If anyone is, I can assure you that I haven't quit this blog. I've just had my mind somewhere else (I think). I'll try to be more careful about getting stuff posted here.

Of Course I Have Time

As I may have mentioned, I've been at my sister's house since about mid-May. (I'm due to go back to my own home in a couple of weeks or so.) In addition to looking after her 8-year-old, I'd also help out with some of the housework, such as the dishes, whether I've been requested to do so or not. Occasionally, she'll ask me to clean out the rabbit/guinea pig cage or vacuum or something else, the phrase, "If you have time..." will somehow be involved, like it was tonight.

I'm willing to do what it is she asked me to do, but I wonder what would give her the impression that I didn't have time? I'm in the house more often than not. Whatever time isn't spent with my nephew or playing fetch is likely to be spent watching TV or surfing the net. Just as one who has time to lean has time to clean as the saying goes in some jobs (and I've had jobs with that rule, figuratively speakin), if I have time to be sitting around watching TV or surfing the net or some other nonessential activity, surely I have time to clean that cage, vacuum (provided nobody is trying to sleep at the time), or whatever else needs to be done. I have nothing but time. I might as well use it to help fulfill a need that someone else has.

Have You Ever Had To Write "I Will/Will Not [Fill In The Blank Here]" When You Were In School?

One punishment that you may be familiar with in a school setting is writing x number of sentences saying that you will not talk in class, chew gum, or whatever you did wrong.

I think I've had that punishment once. At one point, I had said the word "shut up" (which was considered a "bad word") and had to write it down 200 times. (That's just the number for the first offense.)

I'm considering having myself doing that whenever I make a mistake I could've easily prevented at the time, especially if it's one that by any means affects someone else in a negative way. (After all, part of what this blog is intended to emphasize is that one's actions do affect others, and that said actions need to have a positve effect.) I'm very prone to forget the simple things, I'm hoping that this penalty for myself will reinforce in me that doing the wrong thing or failing to do the right thing is not is not IS NOT acceptable, especially if it means, hurting, offending, and/or letting down someone else.

There were simple mistakes in the past that I've made more than once (such as leaving the phone off the hook or not turning off the light when I leave the room) and have gotten in trouble for. Other times, I made a mistake on something that I had been informed of in the past. (For instance, the rule on putting away groceries was that frozen stuff went in first. Once, I handed my dad the wrong thing, and he got P.O.'d about it, and it turned into a little discussion of my tendency to not have my brain on at certain times.)  

Once I do make a mistake on something I didn't know about, and I am told what IS supposed to happen (for instance, I put the sponge on the back of the sink, and I was told later that it's supposed to go in the drainer), I'm worried that I will forget and repeat the mistake, and that the you-know-what will hit the fan. I think in a case like that, I'll write it down 25 times if it's a first offense. Second time, it'll be 50 times (75 if I failed to catch the mistake before someone else did). Third time and beyond, it'll be 100 times. For mistakes on things that I have been informed of before the mistake happend and/or ones in which I should've used my common sense, it'll be a hundred sentences of what I will/will not do every time I mess up.

This may sound like I'm being too hard on myself, but if others will not tolerate my mistakes, why should I tolerate the mistakes myself, especially if they effect someone else?  I may not have control on other peoples' behavior, but surely I can control my own.

I Should've Had A Plan Today

My nephew played a video game off and on pretty much all day (which I joined a small portion of per his request). When he wasn't doing that, he was watching TV. When my sister came home, she had him stop and go do something else.

I feel bad for letting this happen. Being the sitter, I should've come up with other things for us to do in order to decrease the temptation to spend so much  time on the video game. But I was rather lazy about that. I had no idea what to do.

Maybe tomorrow, I could suggest an occasional game of chess or something. After all, I have been told that part of babysitting is to be a guide rather than a mere beacon, and I've been too much a beacon lately, I'm afraid. I could never get away with this kind of passivity in any kind of professional job. I'd be expected to use my initiavtive at all times. There were also times around my parents when I was expected to use my initiative on a task. I really need to do that with my nephew. (Besides, there's this guy I'm interested in who looks after his sister's kids in the day, not to mention has a son of his own from a previous relationship whom he only sees so often. I'm worried that lack of proper child care skills on my end might turn him off.)

Tomorrow, I'm going to suggest some non-electronic stuff to do either before or after limited time with the video game.

Been MIA Here Lately; Sorry

I feel bad that I haven't posted here in a while. Even though there were various times this past week when I saw or thought of something I could've put here, my attention has been elsewhere.

Lately, I've been trying to edit a novel that I did for Nano Wrimo (National Novel Writing Month) back in November. Because I met the 50,000 word goal for that, I was one of the participants who was offered a chance to get a free manuscript copy of the novel via Createscript. Some of the people elected not to bother with editing before getting the copy.  I had tried to make mine ready for formal publication. However, between various distractions and the slew of ideas in connection to the novel that came to me at close to the last minute, while I still plan to take advantage of the Createscript offer, I'm ready to show my work to anyone yet. 

As it stands right now, my dad expects me to account to him for the progress made on any writing projects that I do.  He'll probably be disappointed that my novel has yet to be edited enough for me to show him or anyone else. I'm hoping there won't be a lot of questions and/or lecturing involved on his end after I've explained the situation. However, my new goal is to make it presentable in time for his birthday, which is in October. The particular version will be an "uncensored" version, which will likely involve some swearing, alcohol use, etc.

However, I think after that, I will do another version of it, a "clean" one if you will, editing out swearing or anything else that would likely offend relatives and/or people I know from church. I'm hoping to have that version ready in time for Christmas.

I apologize for any disappointment I may have caused anybody who has dropped by at any time by not keeping up with the posting as much. I will try to get more in soon.

Plenty Of Things To Do Unto Others While My Sister's Away Both House-related And Otherwise

As of tomorrow, my sister and her household will be out of town for a week. During that time, I will be looking after the pets and the house (something I wouldn't be able to do if I had a job keeping me in my hometown and/or if I was still in St. Louis with my dad). I'll be doing things like vacuuming the floors, watering the plants, feeding the animals, and walking the dogs.

Then there are non-household things I need to do. One is write to Dad and/or find a Father's Day card for him tomorrow. On Sunday, I'll need to at least attempt to call him. I will also need to work on rewrites for a novel I did a draft of in November so that I can truthfully give him positive answers regarding how I'm doing on that should it come up. The last thing I need on Father's Day is to warrant any lecturing and/or questions like "Why haven't you done xyz?" (I just hope he doesn't ask about whether or not I've been doing "backups" on my work.) I also can't help but wonder if I need to be extra-sensitive about what he expects out of me since he took a severe beating from his diabetes in October. I'd rather not stress him out with let downs of any kind if I can help it. 

I would like to tell you that I was a total angel who never did anything to upset or disappoint him during the nine-and-a-half months I lived with him, but sadly, I did mess up at times. I don't know for sure if I will return  to him when/if he's able to find something that'll accommodate both of us, but if I do, let's just say I will have to make even more of in effort not to say or do anything that will warrant any tension between us. (I have a feeling that I will end up turning down the offer to return when/if it comes up unless there's some pressing reason to return and/or my mom and stepdad are especially anxious to get rid of me for good before I'm ready to live on my own.)

Yep, a lot to do unto others in the next week. Maybe having this all in mind will help me make more of an effort not to sleep in.

My Style Right Now Is What Those Who Contribute To My Wardrobe Want It To Be

Ever since I was a teenager I have become more and more reluctant to wear shorts and opting instead for jeans or capris whenever I could get away with it. Reasons for not wanting to wear shorts had included not liking to show my thighs (though I'll put up with it when swimming), not having a recent enough chance to shave my legs (which I normally do in the shower if I have time and am not too lazy to take one; however, if I'm baring my legs on short notice and they're not shaved, I'll do an emergency shave) Reactions from family on my non participation in the practice of baring one's legs via shorts have ranged from saying nothing at all to expressing concern to suggestion, if not downright insistance that I wear shorts.

I've worn shorts once or twice this summer. However, I own four pairs of shorts (at least three of which I brought with me): a second hand khaki pair from my sister, a black cutoff pair that were originally long stretchy pants that my mom had gotten me but that I eventually wore a hole through one of the knees, and two pairs that my dad had taken upon himself to get for me. So I can't help feeling that I should be wearing shorts on a daily or at least near-daily basis to justify owning as many as I do, especially if other people have gone out of their way to contribute them to my wardrobe.

Or maybe I should be more diligent about incorporating them into my weekly ensembles. After all, I also have two pairs of capris that I don't want to neglect either. (I think those are secondhand too.) I also have tons of t-shirts to wear this summer as well, especially ones with very short sleeves, which someone else has contributed to my wardrobe.  I'm not much into cap sleeves either, but if someone (usually my mom) goes out of their way to get it for me, I always accept in order to avoid hurt feelings and then try to find time to wear it until holes or other signs of time to be disposed of appear.

Be Early To Rise Every Day, Even On The Weekends And/Or Stay-At-Home Days

When I was younger, I was happy to sleep in on the weekends and in the summer, especially if, as far as I knew, I was going to be home all day.  Lately, though, I've been questioning whether or not I have any business doing so, especially if I'm going to make it a priority in my life to accommodite the needs of others.

Take for instance when I lived with my mom first time around. One Sunday morning (at a time when I wasn't going to church very often if at all), my mom was out doing yard work. At one point she had cut her finger. I had to get out of bed to help her wrap a tourniquet around her finger. I was trying to get dressed (since I'm reluctant to perform tasks in my pajamas; don't ask me why), but she made it sound like it was a huge emergency and my help was needed NOW.  I had to settle for helping in khakis and sandals combined with my pajama top. We got done what needed done right then and there, but yeah, I was not prepared for that. I could go into more examples, but you'd be looking at a novel.

Currently, I'm at my sister's house where I will likely spend most of my time. Monday through Thursday, my nephew's involved in a day camp, and it's my responsiblility to take him to catch the bus for it and pick him up in the afternoon. However, he's home all day on Friday. Even on Friday, I definitely need to be up by the time he's up.  The same holds true for weekends. After all, here's no telling what my nephew may need when he's awake and my sister and her boyfriend are either still asleep or not home. Besides, somebody needs to let the dogs outside to use the yard (especially the younger one of the two).  If I'm up and dressed fairly early in the morning (six Monday through Friday; seven on the weekends), I'll be ready for anything, literally.

Besides, even if I'm not needed for anything within my immediate surroundings, there are other things I could be doing in the morning.  For instance, I have been making a point of writing to my dad every Saturday. After all, if I'm not willing to take time out of my schedule to keep him up to date on what's going on with me, where's my loyalty to him?  The sooner I do that, the sooner it'll be out of the way, and it'll be one less thing to think about. And surely there are household tasks that can be performed that, if I'm careful enough, won't make too much noise such as loading/unloading the dishwasher as needed. But something like vaccuuming is best left alone until everyone is up.

Even if you have nowhere to go to the best of your knowledge, the sooner you are up and dressed, the sooner you can be of use of those who may need you. If you are able to, you may try setting your alarm to six on weekdays or seven on weekends. Once it goes off, turn off the alarm, get up, take your shower (if applicable; and remember, the shorter you can keep the shower, the better), get dressed, and start your day. If no one needs you at the moment, go ahead and take care of the things that pertain only to you but that you may not be able to do later (such as email) and/or any task that could be performed in the home with little or no noise (if it's one that you're authorized to do of course).  If you are the first or at least not the last person to be up, go about your business as quietly as possible out of respect for anyone who might still be sleeping so that you don't get yelled at.  If for some reason you are told in no uncertain terms not to set you alarm at all (like I have been in the past), or if you have no access to one whatsoever (not even one built into a phone), and you do end up sleeping late as a result, that's okay. Just make an effort to get up the minute you wake up (something I still struggle with), get a shower (if applicable), get dressed, and do what you need to do.

You may have heard the saying "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." I don't know if that's all true, but I do believe that, for the Accommodite, being early to rise every day possible is wiser than say, sleeping until noon (except under pressing circumstances, such as illness). After all, how will you be able to attend to the needs of others when you are asleep?

Helping Out In Someone Else's Home

This summer, I'm at my sister's house babysittng her 7-year-old. The things I do there include making him a snack, playing a game with him, or even simply keeping him company.

When I'm not busy with him or he's not around (such as a couple of hours during the past three afternoons when he was attending a cooking class), I'll try to help out in other ways such as loading/unloading the dishwasher, folding the blankets in the living room, freshening up the pets' water bowls, and walking the dogs.

Something that my dad believed in and expected out of me and my sister was to be as helpful as possible when over at a family member's house, especially if it was overnight. I remember one time when he found out that I did not help out my grandma (which he found out from asking me, not from anything my grandma said), he asked me why not, as well as lecturing me and saying that, "We're not guests. We're family, and family helps each other out." Did I have an excuse for not helping out? Of course not. Did I feel bad? Yes.

I think I've been better about helping out ever since, although there may have been times when I've slipped up. I'm not entirely sure though, but over the years, helping out in family member's homes (if not non-family members' homes) as much as possible has become a necessary courtesy in my book as well as in my dad's. I regret that I did not uphold this value prior to my high school years. In fact, there are a lot of things I did in the past that I wish I hadn't, and if I could change that, I would.

Have you ever heard the saying, "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean?"  I've had jobs where that idea has been applicable.  I believe such an idea can be applied to homes as well (whether your own or someone else's).  After all, if you take part in the care and keeping of your own home (which you do, right?), and you're going to be in someone else's home for multiple days, wouldn't it make sense to, barring illness or anything happening outside the home that somehow involves you, help with some of the cleaning or anything else that goes on in said home?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see if there's some stuff I can straighten up.

I'm Able To Do People Favors Even When I'm Drunk

Last night, I went to a birthday party in my sister's neighborhood. I got drunk on two beers and a rum/club soda cocktail. I didn't do anything stupid that I know of, but I was wobbly and numb.

My nephew and I went home before my sister and her boyfriend. Someone who hadn't been drinking had taken me and my nephew home. Even in my drunken state, I managed to let the dogs out and back in per my sister's request and make my nephew a snack and tuck him in per his request.

Maybe that whole thing with accommodating for others' needs is so ingrained in my nature or such a reflex for me that it stays whether I'm drunk or sober, as is say, remembering to buckle my seatbelt when I get into a car.

It could very well be that if a person constantly accommodates for the needs of others while sober, it may be so second nature to them that they could do so even when drunk. (If you do anyone any favors when you're drunk, one of said favors must not include driving as it's both illegal and dangerous.) At least, that might be the case with me anyway.

When I Shower, I'm Slow, And That's A No-No

Many environmentalists say that for the sake of water conservation, showers should be short, like maybe five minutes or less. (I feel awkward going into details about all the um, steps.)

My average showering time is about 20 minutes. This morning, (and by the way I'm staying at my sister's for the summer; I've been there as of last night) I supposedly took 45 minutes. I feel bad about that.

Aside from not being eco-friendly, being slow in the shower is probably not even good etiquette when the household consists of multiple people. One, it can be expensive for whoever has to pay the water bill. Two, someone else may need in the bathroom and/or to do something that requires running water (such as dishes or laundry).  Three, surely there are other things I could be doing in some of that time.

Some of the factors involved in my showering time can't be helped, but some can. I can only cut my showering time so much if washing my hair is involved as it is thick enough not to get wet easily. It's likely to take longer if conditioner is involved. (Certain people in my family, who shall remain nameless, have taken it upon themselves to get me conditioner, and I feel obligated to use it.)  However, I have a bad habit of having my mind somewhere else when I shower, not to mention I'm not super quick in all of my movements.

Maybe I need to make absolutely sure my mind is strictly on the task of showering with the quickest moves possible and in the shortest time possible as though I'm in a huge hurry to get somewhere.  Not only will it save water, but the sooner I'm done, the sooner the bathroom can be freed up for someone else, and I can tend to tasks and/or be available to those around me.

Another thing could be to  try a trick that I've heard awhile back which is to turn on the water just long enough to get wet, turn it off, soap up, and then turn the water back on just long enough to rinse off. I don't know if the latter will save on time, but surely it'll save on water, especially hot water, which will make it easier on the person who has to take the water bill. If I truly am in a hurry for whatever reason, I can always skip less important steps such as the use of conditioner.

As the Accommodite seeks to accommodate the needs of others, surely it'd be a noble act to control the time spent on one's bathing/showering and other personal stuff, especially when it affects others by some means.

I'm A Staff Member; I Should Know Better

I've worked my last day at the thrift store before I'm scheduled to go out of town this summer. I'm hoping to reclaim my spot in August, but I don't know if I will be able to or not. Part of it is because I made some mistakes in the last two days and am worried that I've messed up to the point where the manager may not want me back.

Mistake number one was made yesterday. Someone had come in with a bunch of donations. I was supposed to be one of the people helping get it in, but I had misunderstood the message that was originally relayed to me. By the time I did get to the back room, it had already been taken care of.  Still, I should have been fully aware of what was going on.

Mistake number two was made today. Someone came in to say that they had come to do community service, something I hadn't been trained to handle but apparently should've known the drill on. I called the manager to inform him, and his response was. "And?" (That's not the only time in my life when I've gotten such a response or something similar like, "What about it?" Those sorts of responses mean something like that what I had brought up was unimportant or stupid or it's something I should be able to deal with on my own or I had BETTER have a good reason for bringing up a single word of it.) I asked what it was I needed to have the person do, and he told me.   But it sounded to me like he was rather P.O.'d at me for bothering him over it in the first place. I feel so bad when I bother, upset, offend, or (fill in the blank here) someone who ranks above me in any capacity. When I go in to turn in my key (as I will be out of town until August, and something may happen that I will not be able to reclaim my spot), I may leave a note apologizing to the manager for bothering him over something that I should've known/fully figured out on my own. Such an action could work against my reclaiming my spot.

It's bad enough when I make mistakes as a daughter, sister, etc. (If you knew of half the mistakes I have made against my parents and/or sister, I'm afraid you wouldn't like me at all.) But making mistakes in a professional setting? That is just horrible. Four years ago, I worked at Burger King, and I lasted three weeks. Why? Because I wasn't fast enough to meet their standards. If only I had figured out how to get fast; then I wouldn't worry about the scarlet "F" on my work history, which could potentially work against my ever getting a full-time paid job anywhere. (After all, if I've let one previous employer down, what's to stop me from letting the next one down?) The thrift store position I have now is an unpaid one, but I still worry about messing up to the point where my being on the staff does more harm than good.

I hope I'll be allowed to reclaim my spot in August. If I am, then I will have to try extra hard to be the perfect employee who never makes mistakes. If not, and it's on account of mistakes I've made, then I'll be lucky if I don't end up shunned by the entire job market, something that could make me a disgrace to my family and possibly all of humanity, and I don't want that. But short of asking God almighty to help me stop making mistakes, I don't know what else to do.

Maybe It Was A Good Thing I Planned On Working All Week

Today, I was the only cashier on duty at the thrift store that I volunteer at. There'd normally be another cashier on duty on Mondays (whom I usually cover for when she's on her lunch break or needs a smoke break), but she was out sick. So, I was on the register almost all day.

Now it turns out that said cashier has something she has to do tomorrow afternoon and might not be able to make it in. The manager asked if I might be able to cover for that person. I said I would. In fact, I was planning on being in on all week simply because of so much that there is to be done. (It's garage sale season, which means lots of items that don't get sold being donated.)

Besides all of the items that will need to be put out on display, there are also boxes that need to be broken down. I may be doing the latter tomorrow depending on whatever else I'm up to so that the person that ranks above the manager won't be so upset about all of the empty boxes. (The manager said that there were some other people he had told to do it, but they never did. While I'll see to it that said people who are supposed to do it get the memo if they show up, but if they don't, and I end up being the one taking care of it, so be it.)

Sadly, Even The Accommodite Can't Always Please Everybody

Today, on the way to the thrift store that I work at, I turned in four job applications. I have decided this would be the last batch of them that I would turn in before I go out of town later this month to babysit my nephew.  This will probably be the last thing either of my parents will want to hear, but this morning, I decided that as of today, I would put my job search aside until I return home in August or until I get called in for an interview, whichever comes first. Part of this is because of my pending engagement to go babysit my nephew (which would have to be cancelled if I do land a paid job in my hometown), and part of it is because of all the stuff there is to be done at the thrift store that I volunteer at, and the more of my time that I can give them, the better.

I hope my parents don't think I'm blowing off the job search or anything like that. That is not necessarily the case. I'm simply focusing my attention elsewhere for the time being. On the one hand, as a live-at-home daughter, I have to keep my parents' expectations of me in mind in whatever I do. (They're divorced, but I'm currently subject to being chastised, lectured, etc. by either one of them, especially my dad, if I do something wrong.  This may change when I'm out on my own altogether.) On the other hand, I feel that I'm at an age where I need to make the judgement calls on my own life, however unacceptable. For me, sometimes it's hard to figure out when to be the independent-thinking adult and when to be the dutiful daughter whose highest priorities include full-on obedience to parental authority. 

It'd be great if everyone's needs and standards could be accommodated at once. However, whether the Accommodite likes it or not, sometimes there's a conflict, and decisions have to be made about which set of needs/standards are most important at the time, even at the risk of someone getting offended or shortchanged.

I may be stepping away from the job search for now, but after I return in August, I'll pick it back up and give even more effort to it..

Got In To Work Early Today But There's Still More To Be Done

I got in before 9 again and got everything that was ready for the sales floor out on display. I was going to work on getting some bedding towels, etc. for sale, but the space that I normally do it on was taken, so I worked on sorting out some stuff in the donations pile, hanging what I could, discarding what needed to be discarded, getting what was ready for the sales floor out on the sales floor, etc. At least we have more space in front of the counters.

I'd do another "early day" tomorrow, but I have applications that I need to drop off, and one of them is to a place that doesn't open until nine. So, I'll just have to make sure I drop off the applications and then go in and do what I need to do for the store just as soon as possible.

I think the batch of applications I will need to drop off tomorrow will be the last of them before I go out of town later this month. I'm planning on another full week next week in order to help with things at the thrift store. I regret I won't be able to help out in the summer, but I have a nephew who is young enough to require a sitter in the summer, and it's easier for me to accept that spot than for my sister to have to worry about anyone else being available.

At The Risk Of Going Over The Line...

I made an early appearance at the thrift store I work at. I'm normally there between 9:15 and 10:00, if I'm scheduled to be there around opening time. However, I went in at 8:50 since I knew that there was so much to get done. There were priced items to put out, fabric to prepare for pricing, boxes to break down, etc. Did I get all of that done today? I wish. We keep getting so much stuff this time of year that we're lucky if we are able to find places for it all.

I'll probably make yet another early appearance tomorrow. I don't know if I'll get in trouble for it, but if I do, I'm prepared to explain that there is so much to be done, and to come in after 9 isn't cutting it. (The store opens at ten and closes at four.) Besides, the manager lives out of town and can only show up so often whereas I live 20 minutes away (walking distance) from the store and don't have much going on with my life that can't be moved around. If I need to go in a little beyond an hour before opening time every single business day, so be it. The more I can get done will be all the less that the manager or anyone else has to worry about.

Getting A Lot Done

At the thrift store I work at, I normally work on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. When one of my colleagues had to leave, my schedule started including Wednesdays. Not a problem for me. I don't normally do Tuesdays or Fridays, but for this week, I've decided I'd make an exception as there is so much to be done in the back room.

As it's currently garage sale season, we've had tons of donations, so the back room has been crowded off and on, not to mention empty boxes that need to be broken down for recycling. This week I kept thinking about how I really needed to step up my game. Monday, I was working like mad to get whatever I could either out on the sales floor or in whatever bin was designated for it. If it was out of season, it went into a storage closet. Despite my efforts, it didn't look like I had gotten much of anything done. I was frustrated about it, but the manager assured me that given the time of year that it was, we'd never be fully caught up, so it was okay. (He wasn't able to make it in yesterday because of an appointment, but he came in today. I think that helped as I'm limited as to what I'm allowed to price myself.)

One thing that I had noticed lately is how crowded the bookshelves have been getting. So yesterday, when there were no customers around, I bought some of the books off the shelf to free up space. I haven't decided whether or not I will buy more before I go out of town later this month.

Barring anymore donation ambushes, my plan for when I'm not at the register will be to get bedding, curtains, etc., measured, taped, priced, and put out on the sales floor, get towels and the fabric in the "crafts" bin measured out so it can be priced, and break down all of those empty boxes so that they can be taken to recycling.

The store is open 10-4 Monday through Saturday. The earliest I usually get there is 9:15. (I'm one of the people who opens and/or closes depending on shift.) I'm contemplating going in even earlier tomorrow in order to get more stuff done before there's yet another slew of incoming donations. (The manager and his partner have been known to go in as early as three or four in the morning. Even if it wasn't against the rules, which I don't know if it is or not, I don't think my mom or my stepdad would ever hear of me going in THAT early.) I might try to make it in at nine, if not slightly earlier.

Stepping Up My Game This Week

At the thrift store I work at, the back room has become quite crowded with donations and empty boxes. I had hoped to get some of said boxes broken down on Saturday (so that they can be taken to recycling), but I ran out of time before I could even start on that. The first part of my shift had me on the register. After the staff member scheduled to operate it in the afternoon came in and took over, I went to the back to get some bedding, potholders, curtains, etc., measured, folded, taped (a step in prepping certain items for pricing and display), and put out on the sales floor. There were also books and ties to put out as well.

When I go in tomorrow, I'll have donations to sort through (or put out if it has a default price) and put in the bins designated for them, toys to go through to make sure they are in good enough shape to be sold (There's a couple of bags worth to go through), fabric to prepare for pricing (as it's an items I'm not currently authorized to price unless the manager says otherwise), and boxes to break down.

Last week, I was in on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. However, I think I'm going to be going in every single day this coming week in order to better the chances of getting the back room less crowded. I normally do my laundry on Tuesday, but I did it today in order to have that day freed up. The only other thing left for me to do then will be to turn in some job applications which I will do before going over to Doggie Bag.

Taking Care Of Business

I don't remember if I mentioned this to you all or not, but something came up with one of my thrift store colleagues last week, and as it turns out, she is no longer a member of the staff. It's a bummer too, since, at least what I've seen of her on the job anyway, she's been a great asset. Adjustments to others' schedules had to be made to compensate for her absence. Between now and May 19, I'll be working all day Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday.

Around this time of year, the back room has been getting crowded. In an attempt to step up my game, something I've been trying to do is get out on the sales floor whatever I can and what I can't I'll put in whatever bin has been designated for the item in question. (And I may be buying some books to help make the bookshelves less crowded.)

On Saturday, I'm scheduled to run the register in the morning. However, when the person who is scheduled to run it in the afternoon comes in, my agenda (time permitting) will be as follows:

1.Price/put out on sales floor whatever I can. (There are some things, such as books, shoes, and belts that have some sort of default price and can usually go out on the sales floor right away. The items I'm currently authorized to price are bedding, towels, curtains, valances, potholders, doilies, placemats, napkins, and tablecloths.)

2.Go through a couple of sacks of toys to make sure they're not damaged, stained, etc. If they're in okay shape, put them in the bin designated for them; if not, discard them.

3. Sort through any other donations that have come in to the best of my ability.

4. Break down boxes to be recycled.

Yes, I'm sure I will be able to make myself useful from Saturday on.

I'd Lighten The Load If I Could; Wait, Maybe There's A Part Of It I Can

Today at the thrift store that I work at, there was a lot of stuff to be put out. Among that was some glass and dish sets. The shelves for that are starting to get crowded. I'd buy some of them myself, but I'm not the one in my household who makes the decisions regarding that.  There are also a lot of purses at the store, but I'm not currently in the market for a new purse. I've got at least one on reserve.

There is one section I may be able to help thin out a bit: the book section. This will likely have to wait until Friday, but I may be able to buy some of the books from the shelves. I know I'll be going out of town, but maybe I can bring some of whatever books I buy with me when I go out of town this summer and possibly continue with RAB-PIA. (The releasing of the books, though, may be a bit tricky. That part might end up having to wait until after I return home.)

There are racks and shelves that are getting to be a bit on the crowded side. However, there's only so much that "I" can do about it myself as I have limited space not to mention there are a lot of things I have no cause to use at this time.

Going About The Job Search At This Time

I'm currently in the process of seeking employment. While sometimes I wish I could focus my attention elsewhere, especially if the economy really is so bad, the job search has to remain in effect for me. I have student loans to pay, I have my stepdad to pay back for the phone, and well, being job/career-focused in my adult life is in general something that my family (parents especially) expects from me.  On my student loans, I have had to defer twice, and in between deferments, I have to have made at least six attempts at seeking employment in order to get an extension. (Personally, I wish I never had to defer. I'd rather just get the payments over and done with.)

There are a couple of conflicts or potential conflicts with job-hunting like made. One, my sister needs a sitter for her 7-year-old this summer. I've told her yes, which means, I'll be going out of town from May 19 until the first or second week of August. She did say though, that if I end up taking a job in my hometown and ended up having to stay put instead, she'd understand. (My mom also said that if I get any calls from the places I apply to while I'm out of town, and they want to interview me, we might be able to arrange it so that I'm in my hometown for that, but I return to my sister's afterwards.) Also, at the thrift store I work at, something came up with one of my colleagues last week, and whether or not she will ever return remains to be seen. So, in order to help compensate for her absence, it turns out that I will be needed for more of the week than the three days (Monday, Thursday, Saturday) I normally do between now and May 19. I'll be going in on Wednesdays.

I'll be left with Tuesdays and Fridays to do anything towards the job search at this point (though Tuesday is also when I do laundry). I think what I'll do is on those days, go to places where I don't currently have an application in effect and request one, fill it out, and then turn it in at my earliest available opportunity. If it wasn't for the current and pending time constraints, I'd also plan on doing follow-up (which is what I'm told is a must if I'm a good applicant, and my parents are among the people who have told me that), but for now, given how booked I am and my not wanting to have to back out of my commitment to my sister, I'm going to forgo the "follow-up" part, and if prospective employers really do want to talk to me, they can call me. However, when I return, if I have no prospects by then, I'll bring back the follow-up step back in regarding the job search.

I figure this would be a good compromise between family expectations for me to look for a job and my wanting to maintain my commitments to the thrift store and to my sister to the fullest extent possible.

Secondhand Shopping/Salvaging

A lot of the books that I have used for RAB-PIA were used or presumably used (and likely will in the future, especially if I remain with Bookcrossing), and lately, I have acquired clothing at the thrift store where I work (and by "work" I mean volunteer) that would've otherwise had to be discarded. Among the items I had "rescued" from being discarded was a dress that I wore to church today and a couple of shirts that I'm wearing now. (I'm doing that whole short-sleeved shirt over long-sleeved shirt thing. Say what you will about it.) I'm also wearing a pair of black satin slippers that I bought at said store. I also have accepted the occasional hand-me-downs from my sister.

Although I have my personal limits to this, I have wondered lately if there is some sort of moral merit to buying/salvaging secondhand items that would otherwise be collecting dust somewhere or thrown away prematurely. 

When I was in college, as part of my general education requirements, I took a biology class called Environmental Life Science. On one of the "lab" days, we took a field trip to the local recycling center. Some of the items recycled there included pop cans, plastic bottles, and even clothing. At one point, the person conducting the tour said that there has been all this talk about how bad the [U.S.] economy is, but seeing how much people throw away has made him question just how bad the economy really is. Another class that I took was called Introduction to Technological Systems (another general ed. requirement). In that class, we discussed the advantages and disadvantages of the Industrial Revolution. One of the disadvantages was the "throw away" mentality that it eventually led to. I hate to think how much otherwise perfectly good stuff might be sitting at the bottom of some landfill.

Now, I'm not saying that one should only buy secondhand items (especially if you don't have access to thrift stores, flea markets, etc., their hours don't line up with yours, and/or you can't find anything in such places that meets your particular needs). However, the reason that the items in the secondhand places are where they are is because they have become useless for one person but hopefully can become useful for another. The same is true for items that are handed down from, say, one sibling to the other. Hopefully, the second, third, or subsequent user will get as much use out of an item as possible until it no longer works, is used up, or worn out to the point where it is time for it to be discarded for good.   Maybe then, the landfill won't fill up as quickly.

So, the possible merits of secondhand shopping/salvaging for an accommodite are that 1) the item in question won't take up space on a shelf, rack, etc., and 2) the item won't end up in a landfill too soon. Also, if the money spent on these things is going to a good cause, so much the better.

The other thing to do is, if there is an item you absolutely cannot keep/use, pass it on to someone else. Not only will it slow down the landfill volume, but it'll give someone else who could use it a chance to do so.

Alcohol And The Accommodite

This may bother some people if they knew this about me, but I've been known to drink once in a while. Most of the time, I drink either in my own home or my sister's though I have occasionally had a beer or two at a bar. I'm not a chugger, though. I'm mainly a "let's take our time with this shall we" kind of drinker. Even if I do get drunk, I don't do anything scary or expose myself in a way that I shouldn't. I'm usually either giggly or mellow.

I'll tell you, though, I'm selective as to who I drink in front of. Nobody in my immediate family seems to have a problem with me drinking nor do, say any of my parents' peers or sister's peers. However, there are some people in my life who would never hear of me drinking. One of them is my Southern Baptist grandmother on my dad's side of the family. She is very much against drinking, and she's not the only one who believes that alcohol and Christians don't mix. Needless to say, I won't drink in front of her, and if I tell her about something I got to go do, I leave out the part about drinking, if there was any involved.

I don't know where you all stand on drinking. If you're okay with it, I'd be happy to go enjoy a beer with you. If you're against it, if I'm around you, I'll settle for a Mountain Dew or something. I've heard that, when in doubt, it's best to go with the most conservative view on something. I don't know about the most conservative view, but maybe one should go with the most definite view at the time. Alcohol is a gray area to me personally, but if you have a more black-and-white view, I'll respect it and try not to offend you.

No Mind! Sit! Stay! No!

Normally I don't do this, but it's time I came clean about a really dumb trait that I have. There are times when my mind will wander to some random place, and then I'm wondering about, staring off into space, talking to myself, jumping out of my chair (in my own room) or some crazy nonsense like that.

My family has caught me doing stuff like that and has asked me why I do it. The truth is, I don't really know why. All I know is that it's embarassing and that it bothers others. There's no reason for me to do that kind of random movement at all.

I don't have any kind of mental illness that I know of. I think I just need to make sure that my mind is in the right place at the right time whenever possible. When my mind wanders, there's the danger of my body following it, and that is not good, especially when I could be engaged in something useful. If there was some sort of exercise to control my wandering mind, I'd do it. (Maybe I could come up with something for in the morning.)

Maybe I Should See About Walking The Dog

My stepdad has a 4-year-old lab mix named Layla. More often than not, she's either in the house or in the yard. The only times she's outside of these is when she needs to go to the vet or if we're taking her over to my sister's to be babysat. (My sister and her boyfriend have dogs of their own, both of whom have been at our house.) If you try to get Layla to step beyond the areas she's accustomed to, it confuses her.

Right now, my mom and stepdad are in the process of selling their house. We had some viewers yesterday. As a rule when the viewers come, nobody who lives in the house is to be present if it can be helped. So, Mom, Layla, and I went to the park. Mom had tried to get Layla to play fetch, but Layla wouldn't get the ball. She didn't really know what to make of the park setting. I heard Mom tell Stepdad on the phone that we needed to take Layla out more often so that she could get used to it.

I think Mom had said that they had tried walking Layla when she was a puppy, but it didn't work out or something, and she and Stepdad don't really have the time. I've contemplated offering to walk the dog myself if that's what it takes.  However, I'd hate to start doing it now and then having to stop when/if I go out of town this summer. But maybe it'll help build up Layla's tolerance for the world outside her territory.

Cellphones And The Accommodite

I first had a cellphone from when I was 21 to a month and a half after I moved to St. Louis to live with my dad, during which time the phone expired and a new one for me wasn't feasible. Shortly after I returned to Pittsburg due to some major health problems my dad had, I got a cell phone again.

There have been a couple of cellphone no-nos I've committed (and I'm not talking about having it on at inappropriate times). First, there was a time when I didn't have it on at a time that I should have which made it difficult for others to contact me. Second, I've been guilty of putting off setting up my voicemail. I've been chastised over both.

I have had the number I have now since late October. It wasn't until the day after my birthday (a week and a half ago) that I had gotten the voicemail set up. There were times when I was like, "Hmm, I really should set up my voice mail." But I didn't do it. I've even gotten an email from my dad chastising me over not having set up my voicemail especially since I've been in the process of seeking employment and could've missed out on a job opportunity or two on account of people not being able to contact me. Even after I set my voicemail up, I still felt awful about having put it off for so long. After all, is such behavior becoming for someone who is a 25-year-old college graduate, not to mention someone who was raised on Christian values? Um, no. All I know is that if I'm ever going to keep from letting a future employer and/or my future husband down, I've got to get my act together on things like this and stop the procrastination.

This time around, I try to keep my phone on and nearby whenever possible. And if I ever do change phone numbers, so help me if I don't get the voice mail set up right away.  After all, there's no telling who might call.

Maybe I Should Keep A Plastic Bag Or Two On Hand

I went for a little walk a little while ago. I saw some plastic bottles and cans lying around and picked them up. I don't know if anyone would ever think to pick up stuff like that, but sometimes it seems like if I don't do it, who will? My hands got a bit full from it. I saved them for the next time I go drop off recycling at the college campus. Maybe I should keep some plastic bags on hand when I'm not headed anywhere.

If it turns out that I'm not going to Iola this summer, I may have days set aside for going out and picking up litter.

At The Risk Of Contradicting Myself: Follow-up Regarding Shoes And The Private Home.

As I blog, a quote from Walt Whitman comes to mind. "Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself." (From Song of Myself) There may be times when it seems like I contradict myself throughout this blog. That is because many of the ideas expressed here are based on revelations that I have had and the conclusions I have drawn.  The conclusions you may come to regarding what you should do regarding out of the best interest of others at the time may be different from the conclusions I have come up with. That doesn't make you any less of an Accommodite than I am. For that matter, you may come up with ideas that I may not have thought of.

In the post Shoes And The Private Home: What's The Accommodite To Do? I said that while the Accommodite may abstain from wearing shoes in the home herself (with all due respect to any male Accommodites out there) and allow other guests to take their shoes off as well if they wish to, barring extenuating circumstances, she wouldn't push the issue on people who didn't. However, about a day or so of having written it, between another personal revelation and one reader's question as to whether or not it's impossible to have a shoes-off policy and still be an Accommodite, I realized there may be cases where a shoes-off policy may be necessary in order to accommodate others' needs (which is one of the main parts of being an Accommodite). This could include, but it would not be limited to the following:

1. The Accommodite lives with someone who would never hear of shoes being worn in the home. (E.g. spouse, roommate, etc.)
2. The Landlord/Landlady says no to shoes in the home.
3. The Accommodite lives in an apartment and the wearing of shoes could be too loud for downstairs neighbors.

If you conclude that it is in fact in the best interest of others to have a shoes-off policy, here are some things to consider:

1. If possible, it'd be best to give guests fair warning (and possibly explain why if necessary) so they can plan their outfit accordingly and possibly bring slippers or a pair of shoes for inside if being in socks or less is out of the question for them.

2. It may help if you are able to have slippers, slipper socks (including the Mary Jane style; I don't know if there's a masculine version) and/or shoe covers if it's feasible. Even if you do give your guests fair warning about the shoes thing, you can't assume that they have slippers or that they have been in a position to have their slippers on hand. For all you know, they may have gone somewhere public on the way over via public transit and hauling their slippers around would've created too awkward of a situation.

3. Besides the people who are medically forbidden from going shoeless, there are people for whom going shoeless may be undesirable no matter what you do. This could include someone who intends only to come in for a limited amount of time, and the time limit they may have in mind might be too short to justify taking off their coat, let alone their shoes; another reason may be the person has come for "professional reasons." I'm thinking not only the plumber or electrician but also the salesperson or anyone else who has a formal dress code to observe at all times, and may not wish to combine their business clothes with stocking feet (but then there are some who have no problem with that) and/or they may feel unprofessional going about their business unshod. (I once read a forum comment by a social worker who visited a shoes-off home, and while said social worker followed the rule, they felt unprofessional sitting there barefoot.) Depending on the circumstances, if turning the non-compliant party away is not an option, the other thing may be to give the person a pass and remind yourself that it is only temporary.

I hope this clears the air for those of you who fear that a shoes-off policy may make you less Accommodating of others' needs than if you didn't. These are the ideas I have come up with. Any ideas that any of you have will be gratefully considered.

Preparing For Home Viewers: Things I'd Do If I Could

My mom and stepdad (whom I'm currently living with) are in the process of trying to sell their house. I found out yesterday that today we'd have some viewers and that Saturday would be an "open house." We did a bunch of cleaning in preparation for that. I think it was either last night or this morning of some things I'd do if I had been authorized to do so in order to add more of a "homey" spin (barring unforseen circumstances):

1. Put on a pot of coffee with respect to the time the viewers are expected. There'd be some cups, powdered creamer, sugar, etc. out as well with a note inviting viewers/the agent to help themselves. (Some public places do this sort of thing once in a while.)

2. Make sure there's somewhere for people to leave their coats/jackets and/or purses.

3. Have something set up relatively close to the door so that anyone who wishes to take off their shoes for whatever reason (comfort, personal conviction regarding shoes in the home, fear of ruining the floor on a rainy/snowy day, etc.) can do so.  I'd be reluctant to make it mandatory for a few reasons:

a. It's a real estate rule that those living in a home shouldn't be present during the viewing time if it can be helped. If I'm not home, how will I know whether or not someone else had shoes on in my home unless there's something obvious on the floors, such as mud prints.
b. Some people consider anything associated with buying a home (including viewing it) as a "business thing." (I read that on a forum once.) To them, being shoeless could fight with the "business" tone.
c. Depending on how the home is set up, there may be a viewing of, say the backyard involved. If one's shoes are several feet away, they'd have to go back to the front door to grab them. (But then, they could carry the shoes with them the whole time inside if need be.)
d. Some people are medically forbidden from being up and about unshod whether they like it or not.

Anyway, that's what I'd personally do to make the place a bit more "homey" for whomever might be living in my place after me. What about you?

Shoes And The Private Home: What's The Accommodite To Do?

When you get home, what do you do with your shoes? Do you keep them on or take them off? What do you do in other peoples' homes? What do you expect your guests to do with their shoes when they come over?

In various households, not to mention various parts of the world, wearing shoes inside is considered a no-no, be it a cultural thing, a cleanliness/sanitation thing, or any other number of reasons. In some cases, slippers are made available to guests and/or they can bring their own if they wish. In others, socks/stockings or bare feet are more of the norm.

Not everybody agrees with this concept. For some people, it's because they have a medical condition that requires them to wear shoes all the time. For others, shoes are part of their outfit. Another objection voiced is the fear of revealing something that may not be very attractive. The list could go on.

I have to tell you, I used to wear shoes at home all the time regardless of whether I had anywhere to go that day or not. And when my mom had talked about the possibility of having a "shoes-off" policy (which has yet to happen if it ever will), I'll admit I was a bit bothered by the prospect of never being able to wear shoes at home again. Shortly after I had heard of such a possibility, I had looked up that concept on the Internet, and whether or not I realized it at the time, I think I was really looking for some tough love, something to help me work through any objections I had to the idea of excluding the wearing of shoes at home. What I didn't expect to find was an entire blog devoted to that issue. 

One of the posts, Some Serious Theology: Are you a Tramplian or an Offalist? presents two types of people on different sides of the shoe issue: the Tramplian and the Offalist.  At one end of the spectrum is the Tramplian who always wears shoes at home and is offended by the idea of having to take them off in other people's homes. At the other end of the spectrum is the Offalist who always takes her shoes off at the door and expects others to do the same.

While the Accommodite understands where the Tramplian and the Offalist are coming from, she is unable to fully identify herself with either one. Rather, the Accommodite prefers to take a more flexible approach to the shoe issue. So what does the Accommodite do given that one of her main principles is to avoid undue conflict?

As a guest, the Accommodite takes her cues from the host as well as other guests. If the host and/or all the other guests are in shoes, the Accommodite remains in shoes. If shoes off is the standard, the Accommodite will comply with that. If possible, she will take along a pair of slippers to change into in case her shoes get ruined via rain, snow, etc. and/or she is invited/requested to take off her shoes. In short, according to the Accommodite, it is the ones who live inside the home that set the tone for what is acceptable, shoe-related or otherwise.

 While the Accommodite may not necessarily refrain from ever shoes in her own home, she limits wearing them to select circumstances, such as getting ready to go out, performing certain tasks, or doing a "test run" on an outfit. If taking the shoes off at the door is out of the question, she will take them off at her earliest available opportunity and wear slippers (preferably in a style that blends with the decorum of regular clothes) in their place. The reasons behind her limited shoe wearing don't necessarily have to do with what otherwise would happen to the floors, though that too can be bad. However, her reasoning behind limiting her own shoe-wearing at home is as follows (in no particular order):

1. Real shoes may be too loud for anyone who might be sleeping.
2. Theoretically, putting shoes on is part of preparing for that which takes place outside the home as well for protection while engaging in activities with a high safety risk. While it is one thing to put shoes on sometime before time to do these things, when one can expect to spend the day inside the home doing things with little or no safety risk, wearing shoes creates needless wear and tear on the shoes themselves, if not a possible symbolic paranoia of something coming up.
3. Slippers, on the other hand, are usually designed in such a way to go with the idea of the home being safe and serene.
4. There may be guests who wish to take their shoes off for whatever reason (e.g. comfort, personal conviction, adhere to a similar rule in their own home, etc.), and if the hostess is shoeless herself, it'll put guests who wish to go shoeless more at ease about doing so.

If possible, the Accommodite will have some of her shoes lined up at the door and will say something like, "You can take your shoes off here if you like." But she doesn't require it of them. While the Accommodite has no problem with others taking their shoes off in her house, at the same time, if there are guests who do not wish to take their shoes off for whatever reason (e.g. medical reasons, are merely stoppng by on the way to somewhere else, considers other people's homes an extension of being in public, etc.) she is understanding of that as well, and barring extenuating circumstances (i.e., shoes in question are especially messy, the floor has just been cleaned, etc.), she will let it be.

In short, the most important thing for the Accommodite is that she does whatever she can to keep the peace between herself and others, regardless of where they stand on the use of shoes in the home.

Covering My Head Amongst A Cover-free Congregation: Do I Dare?

In some schools of Christian thought, a woman is expected to wear some sort of headcovering in worship if at no other time, but the man is expected not to.  These people look to the following passage in the Bible:

"Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.  Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head. And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head--it is just as though her head were shaved. If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head.  A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head." 1 Corinthians 11:3-10 (NIV)

In the churches I have gone too, there'd maybe be one or two women who wore hats, but otherwise, it was all bare heads all around.  Growing up, I accepted this without question. This is not something that came up, ever. But I started wondering about the concept when I had read about this verse sometime in college. (I was looking up stuff regarding the concept of biblical modesty.) I want so badly to try and make sense of the concept and maybe see if wearing a scarf or something will help me make sense of it.

There's a problem with that, though. At both the church I am a member of in St. Louis (a Disciples of Christ one) and the Baptist one that I've been attending in Pittsburg a couple of weeks or so after I had left St. Louis under circumstances beyond my control, there is not a single headcovering of any kind to be seen. At the Baptist church I attend, I am one of the younger people there, and I'm not even an official member, I worry that for me to wear even a hat or scarf, even if I don't say anything, would call undue attention to myself and create too much of a stir. (Some schools of Christian thought teach that a woman's long hair is her covering. I know I can at least get away with that even though a lot of women in the congregation don't even do that.)

For the time being, I keep a sheer black scarf (which is cut like your average bandanna) in my purse. Maybe one day, I will be brave enough to wear that (or maybe a hat or other covering) in church, such as when I'm older or if I marry a preacher. That way, if any woman who comes along becomes convicted about the headcovering or starts to wonder about it, she won't have to feel as self-conscious about it if she sees someone else doing it.

Being Loyal To Parents From Afar Via Consistent Communication

If you are like me, you have at least one (living) parent whom you don't live with and with whom you try to keep consistent communication. And if your like me, you also see that as a must for as long as you and said parent are both alive.

In this case, the parent is my dad. We mostly communicate via email. If I go too long without writing to him, he takes it personally, and for me to hurt my parents' feelings violates one of the Ten Commandments in the Judeo-Christian faith which is to honor one's mother and father. Whenever I violate that, I feel horrible.

Something my dad has asked me to do is write to him at least once a week. That is what I am trying to do. I have come to the conclusion that, in order to insure that I fulfill that "once a week" rule, I should do it on Saturday, and then it's done, and I won't have to think about it. Since I'm involved in some volunteer work at a local thrift store on Saturdays, I have decided that, barring unusual circumstances, I would write to him as soon after I came home as possible. However, if he lapses in how often he writes to me, I will not hold it against him.

Fellow Accommodites, I ask you this: do you have at least one parent from whom you live far away? Is there any reason not to write/call them? If not, is there a day in the week for which you could make sure to write/call them? For the sake of your relationship to said parent(s) I advise you to keep it a priority to maintain regular contact with them, be it written or phone lest they think you have forgotten them. But don't hold it against them if they fall behind on their contact with you. After all, an Accommodite's concern is how his/her actions affect others rather than the other way around.

The Accommodite, Litter, And Recycling

The Accommodite hates the site of trash all over lawns, sidewalks, etc., whether someone actually put it there or the wind has blown it around. It doesn't need to be on the ground. It just doesn't. Yet, on the way to her engagements, the Accommodite must constantly endure this site.  She often wishes that she could take care of the litter herself, if that's what it takes, but this is not always feasible, whether there is not a trash can close enough or the Accommodite is trying to honor a commitment somewhere.

If circumstances allow, and provided that the Accommodite is not knowingly stepping on any toes so to speak, she will make time to go out to somewhere public, like a park, trash bag in hand, pick up the litter laying around and dispose of it in the nearest trash can. If there is anything amongst the litter that can be recycled, such as an aluminum can or a plastic bottle, she will hold onto it to take to the nearest recycling bin. If there is no such thing for her to access, even the trash can is better than nothing at all.

While the Accommodite makes an effort to help control the litter on her own property and that which is public, she leaves the private property of others alone unless she has permission to do otherwise. After all, if she were to touch the property of others without their consent, that would be trespassing, and she would never do such a thing. Besides which, it is the owner/resident of the property who is responsible for the upkeep, and if it is not a priority for them, or if they are unable to take care of it for some reason, so be it. However, if they do wish to call upon the assistance of the Accommodite, they are at liberty to do so, and she would be happy to help.

In short, regarding the problem with litter, the Accommodite may not be able to control it completely, but she is willing to control whatever of it she can, even if she's the only one who can.

Introduction To The Way Of The Accommodite.

Hello,  welcome to The Way Of The Accomodite. I'm Moderate Mouse. Some of you may have been to my other blogs, RAB-PIA and On The Road To The Rest Of My Life and are probably wondering what I'm up to with this blog.  This could take a while, so bear with me.

You see, I have what is called a Beta personality, which is considered submissive in nature, as opposed to an Alpha personality, which is dominant in nature. As a Beta, I feel the need to submit to the needs, wishes, etc. of others whenever possible and feel guilty (and I mean really guilty) if I fail in this area. I try to avoid saying anything that is bound to upset someone else, and again, if I fail in that area, I feel guilty. There are also times when I feel that when there is something that must be done (such as a household chore), and no one else has done it, I must do it provided I am able and allowed to whether I have been asked to do it or not. If someone else does something I don't agree with, I try not to be judgemental. I practically consider my own faults to be "worse" than those of others. I may not have control of the behavior of others, but I can control my own behavior.

In short, it's as though it's my life's mission to "accommodate" the needs, feelings, etc. of others (including God) and the state of my surroundings through my own actions. That is the way of the Accommodite. The Accommodites consider it their particular responsibility in the world to do whatever they can to avoid harm to others and their surroundings and when possible, take action towards doing good to these things, and if they fail, they are very hard .

That is the philosophy that this blog is dedicated to. It will cover how an Accommodite would handle different situations. I'm not looking to convert anybody or saying, "You must do xzy." This more a matter of "This is something that someone with my personality would do, and if it works for you, that's great."

I do have a couple of disclaimers, though. As I was raised on Christian standards (and I use the term "Christian" loosely), there may be references to God, The Bible, etc., so I apologize in advance to anyone of another faith that I might offend.  Also I may at some point refer to The Accomodate as either male of female (most likely the latter as I'm female). I realize that is not the most politically correct thing to do, but I'm not sure if referring to Accomodites as a group rather than referring to a hypothetical Accomodite will always work. There may be some of you who have the same submissive personality that I do but do not agree with every word I put here. That's okay, too. If it works for you, use it. If it doesn't, toss it out.

I hope you enjoy this blog. There is much more to come.